Apathy: Stage 3 w/a Narcissist

I can’t. I just can’t. 

Are you tired of and overwhelmed from the constant chaos from our Administration and the Media’s sensationalism that apathy has seeped into your life?  I know I am.  Actually, I vacillate between caring (giving a damn) and being apathetic (not giving a damn).  In my orbit, the stress point for people has definitely increased regardless of political affiliation. When people (and animals for that matter) become stressed, anger and anger outbursts are natural symptoms.  In a previous post, Sorry, But it Never Gets Better with a Narcissist, I shared some tidbits about narcissism and what you can look forward to being in relationship with a narcissist.  Even knowing that life only goes from bad to worse with a narcissist and having the psychological insight to expect chaotic and inconsistent behavior doesn’t immune me from becoming affected.

Relationships with narcissists are often very difficult for partners to leave because the narcissist has created an environment of control and dependency over a length of time. However, nothing is one sided, sometimes the partner has a dependent personality or dependency issues in which they feel they can’t survive unless depending on someone else for their livelihood.

One aspect of being in relationship with a narcissist is at some point you stop caring.  You’re tired of the chaos because it’s something different, more outlandish and inexplicable day after day.  You’re tired of the lies.  You’re tired of fighting and you’re tired of placating.  You’re tired of standing up for and defending yourself and others. You’re also tired of acquiescing. You’re. just. plain. tired.

Nope. Not gonna happen

If you’ve reached this point where you just had to stop caring about what the narc (president) does and distanced yourself from the relationship (such as not reading about or watching the sensational news. I still don’t get how every damn tweet that man does ends up on the news as if it’s breaking ‘news.’ Smdh. What a waste of time and resources). But I digress. If you’ve reached a point of ‘why bother,’ then you’re in the middle stages of the relationship.  This feeling, unfortunately is very normal. Distance will give you some respite.  Usually, by this time in the relationship you have unknowingly and knowingly given some, if not most of your power away to this person, meaning you are somewhat dependent upon him and stay in the relationship because you can’t yet see a way out.  Maybe he’s or she’s taken control of the money saying that he’s better with it or knows what to do with it.  You can’t really move (leave)…to Canada or overseas, so you’re kinda stuck where you are.  This is when the wind gets knocked out of your sails and you get the case of the ‘Meh’s’ and the ‘Blah’s.’ You become apathetic, losing interest in some of the things you’ve enjoyed in the recent past. Nothing sounds fun or interesting. Forget about Self-care because nothing really rocks your boat right now anyway. ‘So what’s the point?’ This is apathy, where you stop giving a shit.

You’re tired of being steamrolled. Confronting a narcissist on their lies is like playing wack-a-mole. As soon as you confront one lie, he’s telling another lie to get out of that lie and another until he actually tells on himself! You say, ‘Aha! There it is!’ thinking you’ll get some accountability. Instead, you’re left there holding the mallet, knowing you got-the-mole, but scratching your head wondering if you really did get him, because somehow, the mole keeps moving.

Nationally, it’s easy to feel depleted and apathetic when the president continues to be enabled by Congress, his cabinet, and the DOJ. You wonder if anything you do or say really matters to the narc and as you wonder, you know the answer. “No.” You’ve come to know the reality of your partner, the relationship and the future doesn’t look so bright to you. So, you become a little more depleted and tired of caring.  With each transgression, you care less and less.

Some of your faith in and luster for life may have been depleted,- without realizing it. If you’re feeling this or have felt this, then you’re normal.  Just applaud yourself for caring in the first place despite not caring now.  You did this out of protection for your well-being.

To remedy the ‘Meh’s’ and the ‘Blah’s’ you must be concerned with and take care of your own well-being because he won’t. Actually, no one will. This is your job. The narc will continue to trample you and do things that tell you, ‘You don’t matter’ and ‘You aren’t important.’ Not true.  You are.  You are important. You do matter.  You just need a break from the chaos otherwise you become chaotic. The trickle down effect of chaos and uncertainty from this relationship (administration) is stressful and it’s ok to take a break, but you must get back in Your life at some point.  Otherwise, who you’ve known yourself to be will diminish. Your spirit will diminish. With this, Depression can sink in over time and this is not good. Regardless if you stay or leave, instead of fighting for the relationship you so dearly want but will never have with a narcissist, fight for your way back to you.

There’s always hope.  Start with doing, again, what you once enjoyed. Start small if you don’t have the motivation or energy. You can seek help to build your self-esteem, set boundaries and leave the relationship if that’s best for you.

For the rest of us, there’s still Russia and Mueller.

Entitlement – The Slow Erosion of Morality

Entitlement has been discussed when talking about younger generations, as in being entitled to something without working for it.  But entitlement entails much more, and just because you work hard doesn’t mean you’re any more or less entitled.   What happens when the highest office in America continues to behave entitled?  By most accounts I haven’t been phased by Trump’s behavior because it’s been expected, however, what concerns, appalls, and scares me is the lack of accountability or denouncement of his behavior or rhetoric by Congress or the Department of Justice.  Where is the integrity?  Should I be surprised? No.  Congress is happy to enable and co-sign this madness just so they can squeeze whatever reforms and laws into existence.  There is no better diversion than chaos.  There has been no checks and balances, until recently.  People may have continued their validation of electing Trump by stating that, “Well, it doesn’t really matter who the President is or what he does.”  But it does and it’s disheartening and appalling on so many levels.

This is Entitlement at its finest and clearest.  I’m not talking about entitlement to unalienable truths as stated in the Constitution, such as Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. This entitlement comes from a place of empowerment.  I am talking about entitlement that takes power from others, walks on, and abuses another for the gratification of your own desires and wants regardless of the impact to another.  Entitlement is self-serving, taking what you want, when you want and from whom you choose simply because you think, believe and feel you have a right to do so.  Like most behavior, Entitlement is learned and entitlement is not always connected to privilege.  A broke thief can steal your money just as easily as a wealthy thief, and a poor person can take your life just as easily as a wealthy person.   Entitlement crosses all demographics, genders, socio-economic levels, cultures, and colors etc.  We all feel entitled to some degree, some more than others.   `Entitlement is created and flourishes because there are no boundaries and no accountability.  When you are entitled, then you won’t know, care or respect boundaries.  Boundaries are meant to be crossed because they don’t really apply to you, at least that’s the belief of ‘being above it all,’  the hallmark of a narcissist.

Entitlement is learned and created.  For example, a parent buys their child a toy every time they go to the store.  The parent does this to silence the child so the parent can have a ‘smoother’ or quicker experience shopping.  Only thing is, the child has learned that when he/she goes to the store, he/she will get another toy.  The problem becomes when the parent sets a boundary, the child throws a tantrum and the parent, in a rush to calm the child, acquiesces to their child’s desires. The child knows what he/she needs to do to get what they want.  Fast forward to teenage years, and let’s say the teen wants a car but not any car will do.  The parent wanting to please their child (for whatever reason, validation, outside image etc) buys their teen a muscle car, BMW or Mercedes.  This isn’t a problem within itself, unless the message that the teen gets is that “I can get/have anything I want” and also where does the teen go next?  What is the next level of satisfaction?  This is how entitlement is learned.  Entitlement can also be created even if you didn’t have experiences as a child.  Celebrities, politicians, athletes, lawyers etc can become entitled based on their position, performance and power within society.  These individuals may have worked extremely hard to attain their success and status.  This hard work can also be justification for their entitlement as in, “I deserve xyz because I’ve sacrificed so much or worked so hard.”  The problem with this statement suggests that anyone else with less financial success and status doesn’t work hard.   Also, no one can deny that certain doors and experiences open up to these individuals and over time they become used to preferential treatment and begin to expect it, regardless of their behavior or status.  For example, an individual that gets probation for a crime (theft, assault, drug use) that others would be imprisoned for.   For entitlement to flourish, it must be enabled. Congress is enabling. DOJ is enabling. Citizens are enabling.  Enabling says, “It’s ok. You keep behaving this way, and I’ll keep making excuses and defending you and your behavior.  Business as usual’

Why is entitlement so important?  A lack of boundaries, limits and being held accountable tells the Entitled that they literally can do anything and get away with it, that they are untouchable and above the law.  Entitlement means that nothing is ever enough and can set someone up to be a never-satisfied pit of wanting, having and taking. Without accountability, entitlement slowly erodes your moral compass and values. Entitlement doesn’t have integrity.  We can see this now, more in our country and society.

Here’s the trickle down effect of entitlement from a mass psychology perspective.

When the highest office in the USA employs a man who is entitled, it reverberates through all of society.  Trump stated before being elected: “when you’re a star [women] they let you do it, you can do anything … grab them by the pu$$y,” and “I could shoot somebody and not lose voters.’  He told us just how entitled he was and felt.  As it has trickled down, you can see the entitlement in the people and industries that are important to or at a minimum represent the president and his congress.  Businesses such as the Airlines injuring and dragging passengers off the plane; law enforcement harassing, arresting and killing individuals just because with little to no accountability; public servants (government officials) assaulting reporters and hate crimes being lobbed across the country.  Just today, a man who harassed two women on a train in Portland with ‘go back to your country,’ stabbed and killed two men that intervened.  This man felt entitled to harass these women and take the lives of two people in the process.  Click here  There is no empathy, shame or remorse in any of these behaviors which is the height of entitlement.

What is appalling and disheartening about all of this, is that there is no accountability. Not from Congress who is supposed to be the checks and balances. There is no denouncing of any of this behavior and especially these awful hate crimes from the highest office in the land.  There is no denouncing from the Department of Justice.  When will it be enough for the presidency, his administration and congress to denounce these behaviors and say and mean “Enough is enough, this is not who we are as a people, as a nation.”?

This entitlement needs to stop for the health and well-being of this country or this cancer will continue to spread throughout our  society.   This entitlement needs to stop lest we all become morally bankrupt in the process.